We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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