I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
