i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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