He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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