We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
