ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
