Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
