If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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