I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
