Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i will never coherently bang her
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize
