**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
