I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
