But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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