I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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