ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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