Yo dont text me then not text me
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
