When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
