White coat. Heels.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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