I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
