You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
