If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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