she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
