Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
