i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
