i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
