Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
