turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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