Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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