FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
