I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
