On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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