respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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