I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
