Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
