new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
