Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
