ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
