she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
