I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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