she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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