Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
