So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
