Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My Higher Power is John Stamos
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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