your room smells of hookers.
And success
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
