im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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