My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
