How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
