you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
