I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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