You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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