We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
