Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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