That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
