Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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