Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
