i already hear my dad disowning me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
