Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
