so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
