yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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