I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
