Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
