just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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