is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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