You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
