So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
this just has baby written all over it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
