How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
