So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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