1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize