well I can't set my house on fire every night
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
