she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
