**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
