I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
